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If Men Were In Charge of Planning Weddings...
There would be less "Oh Promise Me" and "Endless Love", and
more "Louie, Louie" and "Mony Mony".
There would be a 'Rehearsal Dinner Kegger Party'.
Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and
halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin
showing than not.
Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes
would have matching team colors.
June Weddings would be scheduled around basketball
play-offs.
Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically but omit
that "forsaking all others" part.
The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73
Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame
designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
Idiots that tried to dance with the Bride (unless they were
really old) would get punched in the head.
Big slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of Best
Man.
There would be 'Tailgate Receptions'.
Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at
half-time or between innings.
Ceremonies would be short and Honeymoons would be long.
Ceremonies and Honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to
the cost of the Bachelor Party. Those strippers and liquor
sure do add up.
Men wouldn't ask...."Well, what do you think, Dear, The
Burgundy or the Wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab
extras from their local pub or tavern.
Favours would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free
drink passes at the local lounge.
The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form
fitted to her butt.
Instead of a sit down dinner or a buffet, there would be a
hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of
barbeque.
No one would bother with that 'Veil Routine'. But they would
insist the garter be as high up on her leg as it would go.
The bridal bouquet could be recycled from a previous funeral
or something. |
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